I am reblogging this from one of my dearest friends, Deanna. I read this and thought it was so beautifully written with such a great reminder.
Being OK with me.
What is it about us humans that makes us continue to seek the approval of, and affirmation from people who do not care about us, or even worse, really matter to us? I find myself sucked into it occasionally, and I really hate it when I realize what I am doing. I’m talking about everything from the co-worker who acts like you are beneath them, to the chance encounters with strangers that leave us feeling stupid and foolish. Even more sad is when we seek the approval of those who are supposed to have our best interests at heart, but who in all actuality are driven by their own ambitions and desires, and to whom we will never be more than pawns to be used to further themselves.
I know that I really felt the pull of this need for approval when I was younger, but thankfully, life and a series of unfortunate situations pushed me outside of this arena. I had to live through the humiliation of being thought badly of, and the most amazing thing happened… I survived. It turns out, we don’t actually need the approval of others to be OK. This was a revelation to me. I had been taught that your reputation was one of the most important things you owned, and I am not denying that having a good reputation is admirable. But the truth of the matter is, most of us, at some point or the other in life, will be found lacking in the public’s perception. And when you reach that point, what do you have to hold on to if you have lived your life in a way that is pleasing to everyone but yourself. If you have behaved in ways that felt false to you, even though that was what was expected. If you can’t look yourself in the mirror, and know that you have made decisions that you believed in, that you have followed the path that you know is the right one, regardless of how many of the crowd was going down the other path. If you get to the point in your life where the crowd is not on your side, what will YOU think of yourself. Getting so caught up in the approval of those “in power” or who have “important names” or who are “cool” is ultimately soul destroying. Because what will wind up happening is that you will spend your life chasing the dreams of others, that if you ever do actually catch, will be severely lacking.
Something that my mom said to me once has always stuck with me, “I’m not better than anyone else, but no one else is any better than me.” Getting to the point in life where you really believe this is not an easy task, but if you can make there, you will have a much better chance at finding true freedom, and true peace. Don’t live your life to make some other person desire, respect, admire and promote you, but live your life in a way that you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and know that if all of the others forsake you, you have no shame and no regret. I still find myself pulled in to the approval game at times, and I usually catch on to it about the time I start becoming jealous, anxious, and generally unhappy. At that point I know that if there is anyone who is influencing my thoughts or behavior who does not value me for the things I value in myself, they do not need to part of my life. It’s just that simple. At least to me it is. Of course the flip side is that you need to value yourself, that is sometimes the hardest part. Be your own best friend, your biggest supporter, your own cheer-leading team. It sounds corny, but who cares, if we don’t back ourselves, certainly no one else will!
